Tea Strainer & Life

I am very fond of tea and my mornings don’t begin unless I make and have a cup of tea.Today  morning I was not able to find tea strainer. My tea was ready and was so inviting. I somehow found the strainer and the heavenly tea was in my hands. Every sip of tea was cherished after the efforts put in to search for the strainer. Friends a small thing like tea strainer becomes so important to have that 5 minutes of happiness for starting a peaceful cheerful day.


I guess in life too we need such strainers to enjoy the events and form beautiful memories. Every day is filled with some good and some bad events. How do we filter and close the day entirely depends upon us.

Tax audits for we chartered accountants and their trainees means a whole string of late night sittings, erratic schedules and eating outside at odd hours. But if we do a survey, majority of them enjoy and look forward to this period of year. All staff in office is motivated by special targets and that united working fosters friendship, understanding and lifelong bonding among everyone in office. I guess after some years we all remember only the fun, the jokes, the quality time we spent. We sieve away the stress associated with it.

We friends during our graduation days had gone to a small tour together post a students’ outstation conference. It was difficult  to convince and obtain permission from all parents and teachers. But we somehow managed making all possible adjustments. We had made all bookings within our limited budget and limited holidays. We had a superb carefree tour full of fun and masti. Now after so many years we have fond memories of that special tour. The constraints before tour, the difficulties if any  have been filtered away.

The first day I took Car out of parking for long distance driving I knew it won’t be easy. My target was to reach office which was around 5 kms away. My kid sat beside me with seat belt and I started driving. I was so engrossed in driving and full of anxiety that I forgot to open the windows and din't turn on the AC  too. My daughter tried to speak up but I asked her not to disturb. After around 15 mins when we reached ,I realised that we were sweating. I felt so bad and guilty but my daughter completely ignored this and enjoyed my achievement. She was glad that mom drove her to office. She had unknowingly taught me to ignore small things to enjoy the larger event.

I guess it all depends upon us, what is filtered away and what all is cherished. Ask any rank holder or topper in exams of the effort he or she is required to put to achieve the pinnacle. The joy ,the glee on their  faces makes it evident that if the end is sweet journey is enjoyable. They will never complain about the tight schedules, the dedication, concentration and sacrifices made to achieve the targets.

I guess this must be the reason why devotees wait for several hours patiently  to take darshan of God at temples. The satisfaction and the consequent peace must be unexplainable and so they must be motivated. It makes them forget the pain of standing and waiting. What they take with them is positive energy and  happiness associated with Darshan and not the time taken or the difficulty faced.

A very peculiar example in India is of marriage celebration. Ask any couple. They have whole bunch of memories associated with rituals and events involved. Traditional marriage ceremony is culmination of some untoward incidents, surprises, some misunderstandings, beautiful moments, food, music ,dance, some humour and so on. There are people who keep complaining throughout their lives while there are some who leave behind the sourness if any and paint a beautiful picture of important event.

Same is case of childbirth. Nine months pre delivery and around 2 years of post delivery are like a rollercoaster ride for parents. But every couple has beautiful memories of their dear child. The pain the stress and the complications involved if any are filtered and only beautiful moments linger.

For any relation to sustain we need to filter away bad conversations, bad incidents and concentrate on the positive lot. Families can stay intact only when these strainers are effectively used. Even in friendship there are bound to be ups and downs. Human behaviour is unpredictable. Important is intention and character. If we strain mistakes or small reactions then only we can have lifelong friendships.

We should be able to filter people around us. We should screen and do away with people bringing about unnecessary negativity in our life. We should surround ourselves with people who motivate, who boost positivity and who love and care for us truly.

For enjoying a good quality, happy  and peaceful life we need to effectively develop strainers to filter our energies and thoughts. I feel just like we avoid junk food for healthy body we should do away with negativity on a   continuous   basis. Our thoughts shape our behaviour and future. We are able to see, feel and enjoy the magic of life only when we have proper filters at place.

Gautam Buddha had rightly said, ”Your mind is a powerful thing. When you filter it with positive thoughts, your life will change”

http://www.madhurawrites.com/single-post/2016/10/20/Tea-Strainer-Life

Proud to be a Girl but I do suffer!!

I am proud to be a girl. I had a happy childhood and decent education as per my liking. I got to marry the person of my choice .Yes I got everything which a girl desires but the fact is as a girl I am unhappy. I consider myself lucky being born in a family which doesn’t discriminate between boys and girls. We all siblings were brought up in same manner. Within safe walls of home we never realised the difference. But once outside every now and then, I have faced situations where I felt Oh God!! why girls only. The safety security factor is so over pounding ..It engulfs all our lives.

 I remember once we started higher secondary school many of my friends being stalked every now and then..we used to ride by cycle to school..boys stalking on bikes was a real terror those days..during college days evening classes used to be a stress sometimes because of such incidents..My mother used to be standing in balcony of our house regularly waiting for me .I could sense her fright. In small towns boys teasing ,following girls on bikes was a regular norm..But the terror it caused in our tender minds, the depth of it could never be understood..

At that time whenever I had to walk down the crowded streets I remember boys unnecessarily singing  songs and going  around instead of passing direct remarks..so cheap and torturing..I thought this phase will pass away..but till date this continues..just a few days before I could hear a man singing a nonsense song when I was waiting for the taxi on road..only difference is now I can turn a deaf ear without fear..

For many years who sits beside in cinema hall used to be a great concern..many of my friends would agree that movie theatres were the common areas for passing lewd remarks or troubling..even today I prefer a corner sit and ensure that proper person is sitting besides my daughter..

Every time we sit in auto we have to be alert..first thing I do is mentally record the auto number and secondly my eyes are always fixed on mirror of autos..in many cases I have caught drivers watching us on back seat..what is the point in staring instead of concentrating on driving..why can we not have the liberty of being free mentally..

One very common notion is that women cannot drive well with confidence, they get disturbed easily. I have myself experienced this that in tricky situations men easily comment ‘’aree  some lady is driving, better to keep a safe distance..’’.But the fact is when we girls are driving many men enjoy teasing us by deliberately overriding or honking horns or just crossing wrongfully.. then they feel free to say ladies ko kaha gadi chalani aati hain.

I am a chartered accountant and many feel that I’m so lucky and have such a valued qualification..yes I am very happy to be a CA..I love my profession and my work but I would love to share the trauma I as girl had to go through while pursing this education..The syllabus is vast no doubt but the training is more cumbersome.We girls take pride in proving our equality or superiority but nature has devised certain phenomenon for us..CA educations entails practical training along with exams..for almost 3 years I used to leave home early in morning and would go back at evening or night..for practical training we were required to visit different offices of different clients in same city and sometimes outstation too..the worst part was absence of proper washrooms at these places..In India awareness and importance of proper restrooms is still understated..at commercial places like shops ,godowns, small spaces it used to be painful..In young age we are shy ,we are afraid to talk about this openly..staff members at all offices were not always good..at tender age we can sense problem but don’t have maturity to deal with such situations..running away from situation is also not a solution..I had to learn to deal with different people, different situations by trial error method.Sometimes work used to get over late nights. There were no mobile phones that time.. In small cities after 9-10 pm travelling alone is many times not easy. Every time asking a male colleague to accompany was also irritating and frustrating..Many times we had to travel to rural areas in state transport buses. I remember people being cramped and notorious men finding a chance to tease in such situations..Yuck.I hated all those things which came along with this training. It is not that this happens only in CA training. But somehow I dint enjoy the whole process..for many years after becoming CA I used to feel like discouraging girls to pursue this course..But later when I came to Pune and then Mumbai I felt situation is much better here..offices, workstations are much more safe, comfortable and clean with proper facilities here..I realised that problem is not with course or training but mentality and awareness of society.I just wished everyone to empathise and understand day to day issues girls had to face and bring about reasonable solution. I remember once I tried to complain and senior of our profession said why you girls are so keen to pursue such courses when you are not capable of. I still wonder what capacity..we girls pass exams with flying colours..we are sincere we are dedicated and  hardworking.we travel, we deal, we do all tasks well in time...we face all the nonsense going around us and  just expect a little sensitivity and understanding of the situation..whats wrong with this expectation???

I am blessed to have a daughter. Daughters are precious and valuable. As a mother I try to protect her..I want her to be strong -mentally ,emotionally, physically to sustain in this big world. Luckliy now days school have inhouse self defence training..whenever I see her practicing some karate moves I feel happy and little assured that she would be self reliant. But truth is also that whenever I open newspaper and read about incidents of harassments in schools, play areas,households  chill runs in my spine..Every morning we mothers of daughters ensure specifically that there are lady attendants in school bus..we reach bus stops early so that we are there to receive our daughters in crowd..At such early age we have to make them understand meaning of bad touch and good touch..we are on our toes constantly...In lifts, in changing rooms, in malls, in markets ,in classes ,in hospitals,parking lot ...everywhere our antennas are up always..

Every girl who goes outside home has to face problems which boys don’t. I am not complaining .But I feel it is high time that we girls and our next generations don’t feel this pain .Some strong changes in mindset, strong security measures ,strong changes in society are needed on warfront..why are we still insensitive towards day to day requirements and  issues of girls. Every time we cannot go to ask for help, we cannot depend upon others to make us feel secure comfortable, we cannot stay at home either..why can’t we have a safe positive comfortable surrounding  with proper  basic facilities conducive for our growth and sustenance too.

I feel we all ,especially women power should unite for this cause.We are taking all measures to give equality to women but in that process, the allied the supporting infrastructure needs to be built up too. Proper,clean and safe washrooms/restrooms are need of the hour. We all should try to make provision of same at our workplaces and surrounding public places too.Easy accessibility to self defence training is also necessary. We all should consciously train our girls to be physically and mentally strong. We as women should be ever ready to support and help our female counterparts in whatever manner in whatever capacity possible. Respect of women is utterly important. We should train our sons to respect girls from early age. Anykind of nonsense would not be tolerated should be strongly communicated. Some strong and superfast actions are required to instill fear in notorious mentally sick people so they don’t dare troubling girl force anywhere.. Ultimately we just don’t want our daughters to repent to be born as girlchild at any point of their lives..

Magic of Music

As soon as we were seated in the car my daughter insisted on starting on music immediately. I was amused and happy that some things pass on naturally. Since my childhood my day has started and ended with music. My early memories are of a big rectangular National Panasonic radio cum tape recorder. Mornings at home use to begin with Akashvani signature tunes. Both parents being fond of music and films, we had a huge collection of cassettes from maestros like Kishore kumar,Mohd rafi,Lata Mangeshkar,Pt Bhimsen Joshi,Pt Jitendra Abhisheki. I remember listening to their songs in evenings, being an integral part of our routine. As we grew so did our collection. On television there was only Doordarshan at that time. So only audio of songs were enjoyed .Later with cable connection along with audio I started enjoying visual treat.

At that time we used to have weekly satsang at my nani’s place. Listening and watching all ladies sing beautiful bhajans with harmonium and tabla in background is an experience treasured till date. In school too we used to look forward to our music class and annual day practice. Listening and selecting best song for performance used to be a crucial activity every year. My grandpa was an amazing singer. Whenever he used to visit us, our mornings were filled with different forms of natysangeet(drama music).During my teens I was a book worm and very studious. I dint do any extracurricular activity for many years in a row. But at that time this music came to my rescue from monotony. My mother gifted me a small personal radio cum cassette player in my 10^th standard, one of my most precious gifts. I was so delighted. This player and the songs were my companion for years.

Music has created a strong impact on most of my activities since then. I have experienced my behaviour and my efficiency being influenced by music. Every milestone, every event in my life is being associated with some or the other song. The habit of listening to songs is perpetual.

Today when I turn on music some old songs remind me of school days, some of time spent with my besties, some remind me of my good results in exams, some of my first crush , some of time I started reading novels like  M&B and Sidney Sheldon. .some remind me of gruelling schedules during my training during ca education. Some songs remind of evenings when I use to come back home and mother used to be waiting with some hot tea and yummy snacks. Some songs are very dear since they were enjoyed during my courtship period.There are some songs which I enjoyed listening with my hubby and then came some songs which my daughter started enjoying.Certain songs were required to be played again and again on insistence of my little princess. All these songs have become an integral part of my life.

Our generation has seen advancement from small cassette players to CD players to Bluetooth to wifi players. We have enjoyed recording favourite songs from radio on tapes .I remember small plastic cassette covers being replaced by big ones when Roja movie and  AR Rehmaan came. Watching music channels has been my favourite time pass since years together. A good music app on my mobile is indispensable.

Medium may be any but music has constantly been there. Life’s journey till date has been cherished because of music in life. Being married in a family of music lovers and musicians has been an icing on cake. I have seen musical gettogethers being medium of family bonding. There is nothing more refreshing than a long drive with good music. Music is definitely therapeutic. Music gives mental and emotional peace .It is always a source of energy and zeal in life .Listening to songs gives a different high in life. I feel People around us keep on changing but music remains same. It’s like a pillar we can rest on anytime. Right from romantic to Ghazal to Sufi to party songs, all add different flavours to life. Listening and dancing to a dhinchak song is equally fulfilling experience like listening to soft melodious harmony.

Plato has rightly said,

“Music  gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind,flight to the imagination and life to everything.”

Go Goa

Last week we celebrated our anniversary at Goa .This was our third trip to Goa in eleven years. Our work schedules don’t permit us to plan holidays often. Still then we have visited Goa so many times. One of my friends was wondering what’s so special in Goa. We can explore new locations instead. There is something special about Goa which makes us go there again and again. I guess no other place can refresh us in 2-3 days as much as Goa does. We have all options of reaching Goa..car ,bus, train or flight..That makes it really easily accessible even if it’s a last minute plan. Once you are near Goa you can feel the charm the magic in air..Small roads having so many twists and turns ..after every turn you get to see beautiful picturesque nature..sometimes view of sea ,sometimes beautiful coconut trees or sometimes just plain fields with Christian cross in between..

Goa is not just one place, its a blend of so many variety of beaches, places, cuisines, languages and cultures .Every beach has its own charm. Every shore has sand which is different in colour..some have rocks.some have height,some are deep ,some are crowded.some are blissful..but what’s special is all are beautiful..

The sea ,the water is same at all beaches..but what interests me is sea shows its different form at every beach..sometimes its playful, sometimes its violent, sometimes it seems angry ,sometimes its cheerful. When we are drenched at beach we can feel the sea and sky meeting and culmination of two unending worlds.i guess heaven is what it is..Sunset at all beaches gives peace beyond words..the mesmerising view surely is a mental relief to all hardworking souls..

Another fascinating thing is options available for all. From one star to five star you can choose from array of residence options. Every alternate place is a restaurant or food joint. I guess no other place in India must be offering so many cuisines at so less intervals Lavish restaurants, cosy cafes, beach shacks, small joints and so on.. most of them are open throughout the day.Also the ease of commuting is a great relief .If you don’t want to feel confined and want to save on ,rented bikes are easily available. What is surprising is petrol is sold freely in bottles at local shops  unlike in our city where there is so much restriction. Everyone enjoys there with the bikes. Single roads full of bikes. People are free there. I love the way people drop their inhibition in Goa whether its clothing, lifestyle , food or drinking habits.

People seem relaxed and at their own pace. No one is in hurry .Unlike other tourist places there are not many spots to see and very much less commercialisation. So you are not tortured by tourist guides. One can easily visit the famous churches, forts and markets. There are so many entertainment options for all. Water sports, nightclubs, danceparties, casinos ,cruise trip..if with children we can enjoy boat ride,swimming,beach games..so we get never bored. what I love is just passing time under sun at beach doing nothing but feeling the water and breeze.

The happiness and the enjoyment of people around instills strong feeling of positivity. The aura of Goa is energising. Peace,fun,beauty,adventure,music,dance,food, is what Goa all about..2 days or 2 weeks ..Goa is always a breezer for tired souls. So I always say GO GOA!!!!

Small contribution real difference

“Didi can you please give me Rs 1000 as advance. I have to buy footwear for my brother. His college is starting in few days” my house help asked hesitantly. This was not the first time she asked for advance for her brother. After 4 daughters her mother had a son. Due to financial crunch her 2 sisters were married off early and other 2 are made to work to provide for his education. My househelp always expresses her desire to learn. But because of difficult conditions at her place she had no option but to discontinue her education after 4^th. Now she is so happy that her brother who is one year younger to her is studying. She has enrolled him in best possible class and feels her efforts are being paid off whenever he passes with flying colours. I have seen her picking up fast whatever I teach my daughter at home. She is so fond of speaking in English. I have started teaching her basics of English and maths. But every time I see her making small sacrifices for her brother I really feel sad.

At an early age these girls have seen so much and have matured so much. They are made to believe that education is not of any use for them since they have to manage home and children at the end of day. Even if they attend schools the quality of teaching is not upto mark.  Most of them fail in their board exams unless they take tuitions outside. Tuitions are unaffordable for them. So they prefer to spend everything on the son of house in anticipation that he will support parents and maintain strong bonds with sisters post marriage.

This story is in metro city. Despite of so many schemes and projects of government for girl child, the benefits fail to percolate to the lower level. The situations in tier 2 and other cities and rural area would be more or less the same or even worse.

Early marriages, multiple children, abortions are still so common among the underprivileged class. I have seen so many girls working in high rise buildings away from home to support their families. Most of them are just primary educated. After supporting financially their families for 4/5 years they are married off. Their only dream is to get married in good household with educated boy .This also demands hefty amount in proportion to boy’s education in form of jewellery, clothes, furniture. A part of their salary is saved to make up for this hefty amount. This is not dowry but amount given according to ones happiness is what they justify. This whole condition is so pathetic. We have a law specifying minimum age of marriage. I wish we could have a law which specifies that secondary education is must for legal marriage. Keeping them away from education keeps them away from all wonders of science and technology. They are deprived of the beauty of art and literature. They are unaware of basic happenings and events in their vicinity and city. They are not aware of advancements in medical science. These girls who are bearers of future generation are unaware of nutrition basics. They know how to earn money by working in households but don’t know how to live healthy enriched and informed life.

We as girls feel so complete in life having accomplished our goals professionally. Having one or  2 degrees under our belt. But this kind of situation stirs up something. Is there no way we can pull this entire class out of this vicious circle. Can we really progress and be happy with this kind of situation around???

Many people propagate that we should stop employing girls. But my experience says they are better employed with us rather than working outside on sites or fields in villages. At least they feel safe and secured. I wonder if we all can impart them basic education to make them understand the outside world in a way that they can sustain if need arises. They should be taught a little bit of number crunching, banking, atm card operation. We can make them aware of the various vocational courses available. One of my friends has started this and i really liked this idea. She has one 24 hrs maid. Every 6 months she enrolls her maid for new course -computer, stitching, baking. When I visited her recently her maid had prepared brownie by watching it on you tube. If we can make them complete their secondary education, it is the best possible way we can help them. So many jobs as well as self employment opportunities get open once secondary or higher secondary education is completed.

So friends lets all try to do our bit to improve the situation in bits and pieces.a small effort taken today can prove to be lifetime boon for the people who work so hard for us. I am also aware that many of us will feel this to be useless worthless social service. But for me its moral responsibility. We have been blessed to be empowered and being in a position to make a difference. So why let go off this golden chance.

Ralph Waldo Emerson  has rightly said:

‘’The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

MadhuraWrites: Emotional Wellbeing

MadhuraWrites: Emotional Wellbeing: The recent suicide case of one my favourite young actress disheartened me and stirred up my mind a lot. Such an extreme step is definitely...

Emotional Wellbeing

The recent suicide case of one my favourite young actress disheartened me and stirred up my mind a lot. Such an extreme step is definitely an outcome of immense pain, loneliness and sense of failure.

Our generation can empathise with the situation in a better way. Majority of us have been given the freedom of speech and decision making by our parents. We have been allowed to choose our career paths, our lifestyle and our companions. This freedom is definitely a boon but sometimes I wonder whether this is a bane in disguise. When decisions are taken independently brunt of the consequences is assumed to be borne individually.

With current education pattern and technological upsurge, exposure in every field is immense. Young individuals believe they have all required knowledge to take their decisions. My 6 yr kid is so particular about her choices that since last two years i have stopped selecting dress for her. Her hairstyle ,her costume ,her shoes, in all matters she has her own fixed choices. This is the case with majority of them. So it’s no wonder that once their basic schooling is over they will be taking all their decisions.Independence in decisions brings upon responsibility associated with it. Whether it is career or lifestyle every decisions entails good and bad side effects. Kids are taught to be smart ,strong  and active. Physically and mentally we all are active and alert.But how about emotional health or emotional intelligence or EQ???

All parents are so conscious about overall development of kids. Co curricular and extracurricular activities are integral part of routine .Parents leave no stone unturned. But is our society equally conscious about emotional development. In some households the atmosphere of the house is such that children develop emotionally. They are well trained to recognise different actions, their reactions and response of mind to different situations rationally and objectively. But not all kids are so lucky. Many people who are well qualified, well brought up and well settled in life may be emotionally mentally much weak. We have seen diseases like diabetes ,bloodpressure,heartattacks ,infertility ,PCOS on the rise.Stress is the common factor inducing many unwanted problems. Every other individual some or the other day is frustrated ,stressed or under pressure.

As a child I remember we never saw our parents frustrated or stressed up. They too might be having their share of struggles, fights and conflicts. But it never reflected in day to day life. I guess this was due to close family system, good social network, less expectations, simple lifestyle and above all happiness in small things. I wonder whether our dadis and nanis ever used the term PMS or postpartum depression.They always looked happy, energetic and busy in their lives. Multitasking,multiple children,multiple festivals,relatives visiting,social gatherings..everything was there. But without worries and frustrations.

My thought process has made me realise that high level of expectations from self is the main cause of stress. Good education and exposure leads to high dreams and multiple goals. That is very good for being self motivated. But in achievement of these goals we fail to acknowledge that 2 plus 2 is not four in real life. We are ready to take responsibility of our decisions. We assume we are independent and capable of handling all situations. But sometimes in the tussle of life we get exhausted emotionally. Physically we can take rest but emotionally we might not be able to cope up in life’s journey.

Many of us in tough situations need to talk up. Parents are the best pillars of strengths in such situations. They know us in out. But many times we hesitate to disturb them. We don’t want to put them in worry by our problems. New generation have new set of problems which may not be recognised by elder generation. Our partners are our best confidants. But due to time issues they might not always be available or many a times we might not be able to make them understand the real problem .Next level is siblings and friends. Sometimes the problems are too personal and concern is of these people being judgemental. As a result most of the emotional stress is ignored and baggage of it is carried forward day and night. The problems may be small like child’s behaviour, quarrel with friend, irritability or big like job dissatisfaction, drug addiction, partners incompatibility ,financial instability. But in absence of communication and proper address, these issues are piled up. People try techniques like meditation, hobbies, vacations to take a break and refresh .but sometimes the confusion, the trauma is so strong that the problem starts taking toll on physical health and wellbeing.

Here I feel we need strong social support system to come into role play. Emotional health is primary for sustaining in this high tech world full of different kinds of competition and pollution. There is need of individuals who are mature, patient, having good rationale and objectivity. We need individuals who can be trusted and who can provide vision and directions in tricky situations. We can have multiple voluntary centres where experienced people or experts like counsellors can offer training, guidance or solutions to people. Sometimes in tricky situation what is needed is patient listening, unbiased opinions and Professional guidance. Even a simple conversation with a mature sensible individual can work wonders for depressed soul. Prevention is better than cure. In case of acute depression individuals can be advised for timely medical help. Even nutritional and lifestyle changes can bring difference in emotional wellbeing if properly understood. If such help centres are easily accessible individuals won’t have to carry the baggage day in day out. Visiting psychiatrist has still some taboo associated with it in many sections of society. But time has come for us to recognise the importance of emotional well being..If such kind of help is readily available people will definitely start recognising and addressing mental problems .I remember in our childhood there used to be sanskaar warg(small daily evening sessions)where  grandmother used to make us play small games, recite shlokas and tell some stories having great morale. If we can have these sessions our kids will be more grounded, well mannered and emotionally balanced. They can be trained to accept success or failure gracefully, to speak up ,express their thoughts openly without disrespecting people .

With small changes around we can see increased level of peace, satisfaction and happiness for sure.

Poor or rich, educated or illiterate, man or women, child or aged, all individuals need someone to be there to look up to ,to support to speak up. If this is not found in inner circles what’s the harm in establishing and reaching out to support centres. Inhibition leading to depressed life is of no use. Life is precious, each day each hour is valuable. No problem in life can be bigger  than our wellbeing. So friends let’s  try to shed away our baggage, speak up ,support all to have a peaceful and happy life.

Role Mix

One of my favourite actress is coming up with movie which deals with situation involving house husband. I am so happy and eagerly looking forward to this movie. Interchange of role of bread winner and home maker is fascinating.

Indian society has progressed over the past century. Girls are being educated and are becoming self reliant. At macro level gender discrimination has reduced. We all are happy that girls are being treated equally. But if we do a micro level thought process I feel disappointed on many counts. Family /home is basic unit of society. Our generation of girls born around early eighties are definitely a witness to a huge changeover in ideologies of roles at home. The boys or the men of our generation are much more adaptable, flexible and to some extent helping    as compared to men of our mother’s or grandmother’s generation...I know there are exceptions but here I am speaking about majority in general. We have seen our mothers taking majority of the responsibility of household chores whether she was working outside or house maker. This was assumed and I guess never questioned too. But our generation has recognised the need of division of some responsibilities to some extent. But still a lot more remains to be done I feel.

Today girls are being given equal chance of education, extracurricular and co-curricular growth. They are trained to be mentally, physically and financially independent. They are excelling in almost all fields. But the question arises is similar training imparted to boys???We are putting all efforts to do upbringing of girls equal to or better than boys..But are we equally focussed in case of boys???Are we training boys to be compatible with new generation of girls???

For instance..nowadays many husbands experiment or do cooking occasionally..but still majority of men don’t know beyond making tea or boiling eggs or preparing maggi..if man of house is not well woman generally do all kinds of food items keeping his health in mind. But vice versa most of men prefer to order from outside or hire a maid to do cooking..I am not against any of the options..hiring a cook,outside food all are fine..but my question is why don’t we teach boys a little cooking as we consciously do in case of girls.. i agree that today in many cases while fixing marriage there is no requirement or condition  of girl who cooks well .But food being utmost necessity of life ,basic cooking needs to be taught to each and every individual whether girl or boy..We gift small girls many a times kitchen toy set and they are so happy to play with it..but have we ever experimented gifting a similar set to boys..this wont even strike to majority of us..Cooking is just symbolic of one of the domestic responsibilities .If girls can be taught to fix electrical fuse at home why cant boys be taught little bit of chopping cutting or grocery management..if girls can learn maintenance of vehicles why cant boys learn laundry or domestic help management..If girls can take up decoration work why cant boys take up rangoli work.. Girls are naturally gifted with taking up of multiple responsibilities related to household..They tend to learn just by observation..but in case of boys they are generally not so keen. So its additional responsibility on women of house to consciously involve boys in all activities..in small ways but on day to day basis. With small changes and duties been allotted to boys they would realise and empathise with girls in a better way. They wont feel any activity to be less important. When division of work at home becomes necessary many men become sad .shaadi karke fas gaya..is a popular humour..But if boys are trained since childhood they will adapt to changes in much more similar way as girl does. Only earning money is not the most important task in life. Men of our generation are witness and part of contradictory situations. They are expected to do whether willingly or unwillingly many tasks which they have never seen their fathers doing. Those who are unwilling try to win over the situation by dominating or fighting or at last by surrendering unhappily. In current scenario we can train the upcoming generations to be different. Labelling certain work as Taboo for men needs to be removed in our general household. Gender neutrality in respect of day to day tasks is need of hour. With changes in economic scenario in some years a situation may arise in India where no domestic help is easily available and affordable..in such situation all family members would have to take up responsibility.

The way in which we are preparing our girls to do multitasking ,sustaining mental ,physical and emotional pressures we should do it in case of boys too..we need to make boys ready for  acceptance of equality or superiority. Most of the trouble comes from conflict and non acceptance of good or better performance. We should take conscious effort towards sensitizing boys towards issue of women respect. Our efforts of making girls independent will be really fruitful only if boys are also aware and sensitized towards the changes and give respect to women at all stages in life.In a family unit there should be no place for Ego issues. All children need to be trained that all work whether household or outside is equal and all have equal right to do or not to do a task or to do in a better way task. If we all take up this responsibility day is not far that instances of work place discrimination, domestic violence, divorce will reduce to great extent. This thought process makes me wonder that if Girls can be house makers then why can’t boys be...If two individuals are equally educated, mentally, socially, physically and financially independent why both should not have equal chance to take decision. What’s wrong if boy wants to manage home instead of working outside. Men can definitely be equally good at managing domestic chores. There is no denying the fact that nature has bestowed responsibility of birth on women. But responsibility of nurturing and growing up of children can be definitely taken up jointly. There is social stigma attached to concept of househusbands. If we are now open to concept of live in relationship, day is not far when we will accept this concept too.

Personally for me Win-Win situation is, both boys and girls are educated and trained with a perspective to make them independent individually while recognising and supporting the other gender with equal respect and empathy. If we all do this consciously all our daughters and sons will definitely enjoy happy, peaceful, flexible and comfortable family as well as work life.

Positivity in Bits

In past few years January brings more excitement and zeal in my life. Reason being makar sankranti which marks onset of series of get-togethers of friends we popularly call haldikumkum. Every evening getting specially ready ,  meeting and greeting friends-family adds so much happiness along with the festive feeling. Not only it makes our children aware of our customs but brings colours to our daily routine life. I remember in my teens, teasing my mother for this traditional functions..feeling them so typical feminine, orthodox  and redundant..but over years I guess I have realized the inner meaning of such events and celebrations.

Some time back I visited a reputed big hospital and as usual due to traffic I missed my appointment of family physician.i had to wait in waiting area for a whole hour.  Since it was a common waiting area I started my statistical analysis of patients waiting to see different categories of doctors. To my surprise maximum rush was for counselor there. Over the past few years numbers of practicing counselors have increased visibly. This growth is definitely attributed to the growing stress and complications  in society. In big cities like Mumbai most of population coming from tier2 and tier3 cities have their parents and extended family in hometown. Mostly people live as nuclear families managing on their own. Education, jobs, careers, competition start taking its toll. If parents are around this stress can be shared. But with nuclear families every battle is to be fought adopting a trial and error method. With tight time schedules even husband and wife have so less to time to communicate and share their daily stories.

The daily stress pilesup in some form or other..right from morning maid ,different variety in cooking, school ,tuition class, extracurricular activities, own physical fitness, maintaining updated wardrobe(lol..social pressures ) ..maintaining cars, excelling in jobs ,and so on..this stress over period starts showing in form of fatigue, irritation, anger and depression

I remember going through extremely low emotional phase post delivery..even though professionally qualified I had to opt for flexi option for satisfying my motherly craving, child’s safety and security.With no help of extended family around it was the most critical and crucial period..this started taking toll on my personality and my confidence. I started doubting my own skill sets. But one day I decided to dare something which I was postponing since long..i decided  to start driving car.That one decision gave me new high in life. First time I put my daughter on seat next to me and drove ,it gave me happiness beyond words..This event was one of the positive source in darkness where I had started losing myself. It filled me with different form of energy which was unexplainable. This incident onwards I started looking for small positive changes. Changes which filled my life with energy which I used for combating and overcoming daily stress issues..i started conversing more with whomsoever I met. After a conscious effort I started understanding positive and negative energies of thoughts, events, activities and people.

Positivity is very very important in life to maintain balance at all levels. Positive energy brings immense peace and  satisfaction in different levels of our lives. So many courses are being conducted now a days for increasing positivity. From my experience I have realized that positivity is gained more effectively by making little changes around our own selves. Daily self introspection to avoid bad thoughts, bad circle  is a key factor.

Planting or watering a plant, singing a favourite song, dancing on dhinchak song, catching up with old friend ,cooking .. all give small doses of positivity. The smile which maid gives on offering tea ,a little thanks to the security guard, warm enquiry about old neighbor, a little help to kid in park ...all are small forms of positive doses. These doses act as free nutritional supplements wiping out negative feelings of insecurity, failure, jealousy, arrogance, greed and eventually depression…Over a period we start inculcating and nurturing qualities of love ,warmth forgiveness, helpfulness…

I guess that the festival celebrations which predominantly seem to be feminine were also started with the intention of spreading positivity among women who at that time where confined to their houses and household chores. Instead of concentrating on rituals if we try to find out something more meaningful from such get-togethers I feel purpose is more than solved .these type of get-together with friends family act like breezers in life.

Positivity gained in any form is like pillar of strength which comes to our rescue in odd times of our daily lives. Our positive mindset is like lamp that fills brightness around. One happy mindset can definitely make at least 4 people happy at a point of time. Its upto us how we spread the aura of our positivity and happiness, l have embarked on this journey of positivity with the belief that life’s law of motion is little different from Sir Newton’s third law .

For me

Every action has equal and better reaction

So dear friends think positive and be positive