Small contribution real difference

“Didi can you please give me Rs 1000 as advance. I have to buy footwear for my brother. His college is starting in few days” my house help asked hesitantly. This was not the first time she asked for advance for her brother. After 4 daughters her mother had a son. Due to financial crunch her 2 sisters were married off early and other 2 are made to work to provide for his education. My househelp always expresses her desire to learn. But because of difficult conditions at her place she had no option but to discontinue her education after 4^th. Now she is so happy that her brother who is one year younger to her is studying. She has enrolled him in best possible class and feels her efforts are being paid off whenever he passes with flying colours. I have seen her picking up fast whatever I teach my daughter at home. She is so fond of speaking in English. I have started teaching her basics of English and maths. But every time I see her making small sacrifices for her brother I really feel sad.

At an early age these girls have seen so much and have matured so much. They are made to believe that education is not of any use for them since they have to manage home and children at the end of day. Even if they attend schools the quality of teaching is not upto mark.  Most of them fail in their board exams unless they take tuitions outside. Tuitions are unaffordable for them. So they prefer to spend everything on the son of house in anticipation that he will support parents and maintain strong bonds with sisters post marriage.

This story is in metro city. Despite of so many schemes and projects of government for girl child, the benefits fail to percolate to the lower level. The situations in tier 2 and other cities and rural area would be more or less the same or even worse.

Early marriages, multiple children, abortions are still so common among the underprivileged class. I have seen so many girls working in high rise buildings away from home to support their families. Most of them are just primary educated. After supporting financially their families for 4/5 years they are married off. Their only dream is to get married in good household with educated boy .This also demands hefty amount in proportion to boy’s education in form of jewellery, clothes, furniture. A part of their salary is saved to make up for this hefty amount. This is not dowry but amount given according to ones happiness is what they justify. This whole condition is so pathetic. We have a law specifying minimum age of marriage. I wish we could have a law which specifies that secondary education is must for legal marriage. Keeping them away from education keeps them away from all wonders of science and technology. They are deprived of the beauty of art and literature. They are unaware of basic happenings and events in their vicinity and city. They are not aware of advancements in medical science. These girls who are bearers of future generation are unaware of nutrition basics. They know how to earn money by working in households but don’t know how to live healthy enriched and informed life.

We as girls feel so complete in life having accomplished our goals professionally. Having one or  2 degrees under our belt. But this kind of situation stirs up something. Is there no way we can pull this entire class out of this vicious circle. Can we really progress and be happy with this kind of situation around???

Many people propagate that we should stop employing girls. But my experience says they are better employed with us rather than working outside on sites or fields in villages. At least they feel safe and secured. I wonder if we all can impart them basic education to make them understand the outside world in a way that they can sustain if need arises. They should be taught a little bit of number crunching, banking, atm card operation. We can make them aware of the various vocational courses available. One of my friends has started this and i really liked this idea. She has one 24 hrs maid. Every 6 months she enrolls her maid for new course -computer, stitching, baking. When I visited her recently her maid had prepared brownie by watching it on you tube. If we can make them complete their secondary education, it is the best possible way we can help them. So many jobs as well as self employment opportunities get open once secondary or higher secondary education is completed.

So friends lets all try to do our bit to improve the situation in bits and pieces.a small effort taken today can prove to be lifetime boon for the people who work so hard for us. I am also aware that many of us will feel this to be useless worthless social service. But for me its moral responsibility. We have been blessed to be empowered and being in a position to make a difference. So why let go off this golden chance.

Ralph Waldo Emerson  has rightly said:

‘’The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

MadhuraWrites: Emotional Wellbeing

MadhuraWrites: Emotional Wellbeing: The recent suicide case of one my favourite young actress disheartened me and stirred up my mind a lot. Such an extreme step is definitely...

Emotional Wellbeing

The recent suicide case of one my favourite young actress disheartened me and stirred up my mind a lot. Such an extreme step is definitely an outcome of immense pain, loneliness and sense of failure.

Our generation can empathise with the situation in a better way. Majority of us have been given the freedom of speech and decision making by our parents. We have been allowed to choose our career paths, our lifestyle and our companions. This freedom is definitely a boon but sometimes I wonder whether this is a bane in disguise. When decisions are taken independently brunt of the consequences is assumed to be borne individually.

With current education pattern and technological upsurge, exposure in every field is immense. Young individuals believe they have all required knowledge to take their decisions. My 6 yr kid is so particular about her choices that since last two years i have stopped selecting dress for her. Her hairstyle ,her costume ,her shoes, in all matters she has her own fixed choices. This is the case with majority of them. So it’s no wonder that once their basic schooling is over they will be taking all their decisions.Independence in decisions brings upon responsibility associated with it. Whether it is career or lifestyle every decisions entails good and bad side effects. Kids are taught to be smart ,strong  and active. Physically and mentally we all are active and alert.But how about emotional health or emotional intelligence or EQ???

All parents are so conscious about overall development of kids. Co curricular and extracurricular activities are integral part of routine .Parents leave no stone unturned. But is our society equally conscious about emotional development. In some households the atmosphere of the house is such that children develop emotionally. They are well trained to recognise different actions, their reactions and response of mind to different situations rationally and objectively. But not all kids are so lucky. Many people who are well qualified, well brought up and well settled in life may be emotionally mentally much weak. We have seen diseases like diabetes ,bloodpressure,heartattacks ,infertility ,PCOS on the rise.Stress is the common factor inducing many unwanted problems. Every other individual some or the other day is frustrated ,stressed or under pressure.

As a child I remember we never saw our parents frustrated or stressed up. They too might be having their share of struggles, fights and conflicts. But it never reflected in day to day life. I guess this was due to close family system, good social network, less expectations, simple lifestyle and above all happiness in small things. I wonder whether our dadis and nanis ever used the term PMS or postpartum depression.They always looked happy, energetic and busy in their lives. Multitasking,multiple children,multiple festivals,relatives visiting,social gatherings..everything was there. But without worries and frustrations.

My thought process has made me realise that high level of expectations from self is the main cause of stress. Good education and exposure leads to high dreams and multiple goals. That is very good for being self motivated. But in achievement of these goals we fail to acknowledge that 2 plus 2 is not four in real life. We are ready to take responsibility of our decisions. We assume we are independent and capable of handling all situations. But sometimes in the tussle of life we get exhausted emotionally. Physically we can take rest but emotionally we might not be able to cope up in life’s journey.

Many of us in tough situations need to talk up. Parents are the best pillars of strengths in such situations. They know us in out. But many times we hesitate to disturb them. We don’t want to put them in worry by our problems. New generation have new set of problems which may not be recognised by elder generation. Our partners are our best confidants. But due to time issues they might not always be available or many a times we might not be able to make them understand the real problem .Next level is siblings and friends. Sometimes the problems are too personal and concern is of these people being judgemental. As a result most of the emotional stress is ignored and baggage of it is carried forward day and night. The problems may be small like child’s behaviour, quarrel with friend, irritability or big like job dissatisfaction, drug addiction, partners incompatibility ,financial instability. But in absence of communication and proper address, these issues are piled up. People try techniques like meditation, hobbies, vacations to take a break and refresh .but sometimes the confusion, the trauma is so strong that the problem starts taking toll on physical health and wellbeing.

Here I feel we need strong social support system to come into role play. Emotional health is primary for sustaining in this high tech world full of different kinds of competition and pollution. There is need of individuals who are mature, patient, having good rationale and objectivity. We need individuals who can be trusted and who can provide vision and directions in tricky situations. We can have multiple voluntary centres where experienced people or experts like counsellors can offer training, guidance or solutions to people. Sometimes in tricky situation what is needed is patient listening, unbiased opinions and Professional guidance. Even a simple conversation with a mature sensible individual can work wonders for depressed soul. Prevention is better than cure. In case of acute depression individuals can be advised for timely medical help. Even nutritional and lifestyle changes can bring difference in emotional wellbeing if properly understood. If such help centres are easily accessible individuals won’t have to carry the baggage day in day out. Visiting psychiatrist has still some taboo associated with it in many sections of society. But time has come for us to recognise the importance of emotional well being..If such kind of help is readily available people will definitely start recognising and addressing mental problems .I remember in our childhood there used to be sanskaar warg(small daily evening sessions)where  grandmother used to make us play small games, recite shlokas and tell some stories having great morale. If we can have these sessions our kids will be more grounded, well mannered and emotionally balanced. They can be trained to accept success or failure gracefully, to speak up ,express their thoughts openly without disrespecting people .

With small changes around we can see increased level of peace, satisfaction and happiness for sure.

Poor or rich, educated or illiterate, man or women, child or aged, all individuals need someone to be there to look up to ,to support to speak up. If this is not found in inner circles what’s the harm in establishing and reaching out to support centres. Inhibition leading to depressed life is of no use. Life is precious, each day each hour is valuable. No problem in life can be bigger  than our wellbeing. So friends let’s  try to shed away our baggage, speak up ,support all to have a peaceful and happy life.